Jesus by Chris Tomlin.
Have you heard it?
I just can’t get past it.
We sang it this afternoon during our first meeting together with all of our fellow workers in Asia. I wept big ole, huge tears. For all the years I’ve been a Christian, I’ve almost never cried in worship.
Until Thailand. Until God told us to go.
Ask Billy. I pretty much cried like a crazy person in every worship service for 10 months before we moved… and when we visited Charlotte in October? Yep. Still cried a waterfall.
Its always something about Jesus or God’s faithfulness that pushes open the flood gates. He’s so good to us, friends. He’s so different than Buddha. He stands in the fire with us. Gosh. He carries our healing in his hands.
(Worship at our home church)
I am broken. I’m weak. I’m desperate for him. In all the hard ways. And in all the wonderful ways. Maybe its not so much that I HAVE to cling to the cross here and I didn’t have to in America — because that’s not quite true. Maybe the difference is that I have new eyes to see that these things that we sing about on Sunday mornings… all these things… are really, really true.
Seriously. All the crazy person tears.
God is who he says he is.
God did what he said he did with his Son on the cross.
The creator of the universe poured out his grace and mercy on my broken little self.
He wants his story taken to all peoples. Every. Last. One. Of. Them.
The promise isn’t that we won’t have pain – but that he will be near.
That is overwhelmingly beautiful.
Maybe what I’m feeling… and trying to put into words is just simple this: pure brokenness. I feel more broken now than I ever have before… and as much as it sometimes hurts… I kinda hope I stay here. In fact, I think I might always feel a little broken. Or maybe what I’m describing in humility? No idea. I’m sure there’s a book I should read.
He walks on the water. He speaks to the sea. He roars like a lion. He bled as the lamb. Man. But the fire and the healing… Jesus. Sweet Jesus. All the crazy person tears.
[One day, hopefully soon, I will write more about how God gave me this song to carry me through a really hard time that started just hours after I stood in that meeting with all our Asia workers. His grace is sufficient.]