51 days until Thailand.
The most asked question right now is: “Are you so excited?!” Usually it comes with a huge grin and anticipation of my own enthusiastic reply. Because how else could I be feeling at the edge of this amazing journey — edge of the giant cliff that is about to require leaping out into the grand blue abyss out there…
Yea, this lovely question has brought awkward moments with strangers and friends across the Charlotte area this week. You’d think I’d get better at answering it by now but… NOPE. Still awkward. I think my brain is too full to filter anymore. So I stumble and search for words that fit what my emotions are doing. It’s a lot to squeeze into the span of a few seconds that this poor stranger has. And it’s a lot to manage when it’s a friend. If I say I can’t wait, do I need to be sensitive to their feelings of missing us as we go? And how to I REALLY feel? I have no idea. I feel ALL OF THE ABOVE.
It feels like a dream.
It is a dream. A dream I’ve dreamt for 20 years.
20 years ago, I read a biography of a girl who went to live in India for her whole life. She went to obey God and see his name carried to people who didn’t know him. I began to hope that maybe – just maybe – God would use me that way.
16 years ago, I left the States for the first time. God grew that small spark of hope into a full-blown dream. He showed me how he could use my small gifts for good. I learned how faith and obedience went hand in hand.
10 years ago, I married a man who knew our lives together had to start at the alter. We hoped and dreamed new dreams that we might carry His name to other lands. We grew and learned and God used us in special ways. We are so grateful.
Almost 5 years ago, I got a new name: mother. I didn’t know what this would mean for my other dreams and hopes. Daily, I wasn’t sure which dream I would vote for if I could vote. Motherhood was hard and consuming. But God is always gracious and patient. Interesting that He chose Mother’s Day 2014 to push me out of my fearful stubbornness.
And here we stand. 51 days until Thailand.
Today, it feels mostly overwhelming.
But, if I push aside the lists and worries,
I just want to tell that little girl that her big, big dreams are coming true.
[15 years young @ Trinidad]
Whatever happens from here… however the road goes – bumpy or smooth… high mountains or deep dark valleys… and everything in between – this is the dream. It looks nothing like what she thought at 11 years old – or 15 years old – or even at 25 years old. Here, at 32 years old, it looks like simple obedience when a faithful God asks you to move and promises to be the Way, the Truth and the Light.
And THAT is very exciting.
~written by Kate~